Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
