Don't make out with my wife yet
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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