Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
