bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
