I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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