Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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