We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
