My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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