You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize