he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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