Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
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