...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
im six kinds of drunk right now
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
