dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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