I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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