Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
