took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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