the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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