you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
