I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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