My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
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it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
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I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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