Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
