So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
