I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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