I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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