Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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