So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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