yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Randomize
