So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
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