come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
There r osticjed everywhere
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
