Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
