The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
