This is not my ceiling
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
he puts the penis in happiness.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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