I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
the gays at disneyland are vicious
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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