SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My vagina is officially offended.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
