Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
