I hate your face
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
