Even water is tasting like jack daniels
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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