i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
