If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
