Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
