Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just gift wrapped bread.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
