Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
