did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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