I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
