Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
