So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
