I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
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