im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
The adults are the big ones right?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
