i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
