Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Randomize
