I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
