my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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