grandma shit on top of the toilet
Four minutes until I can fart!
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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