The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
