M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
