You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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