Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
