Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
where are my eyebrows?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
