Umm I'm too high to move.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
