i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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