we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
