i permit you to call me
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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