so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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