You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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