I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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