It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
