Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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