Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
jump out the window naked night went bad
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