I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
