I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
