there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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