as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
