she woke up with a sticky ear
i think my mom watched the whole time
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
