Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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