I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
