Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
