I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
