when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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