I am puke
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
