i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
