WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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